Saturday, October 31, 2009

Why? Just tell me why....

On Thursday I told Tommy that we had about $100 left until I get paid again. (For anyone that does not already know, I am the only income source for the family.) I had brought home a package of cubed steak and a box of mac and cheese to prepare for supper, however, he talked me into ordering out. Now, we did not order from the most exclusive of restaurants that would cost an arm and a leg. We called Kent's, the local greasy spoon, for burgers. We spent about $35 dollars. Fine. We still had enough for what needed to be paid until I get paid again. $5 for Alex to go with his Cub Scout pack to Lost Acres. CHECK. $10 for Skylar to take with her to the State Band Competition at Woodmont HS. CHECK. $20 for gas in my car so that I can take the kids to school, go to work, and come home for 4 days. CHECK. (No lunch money for me, but hey, I need to lose weight anyway.) Should have had about $20 left for a small cushion in a dire situation. Guess what?! Mr. Moneybag went and bought a freaking bag of candy for $10. Just in case trick or treaters show up. Hello, are you having an I-D-10-T moment, Tommy? We don't have trick or treaters here. We keep the porch light off because we (ok, it's just me) are out with Alex and Skylar going about the Halloween thing with them. Like taking them to the city's Halloween stroll, going to the trunk or treat at Ingles and hitting our favorite trick or treat spots in town. In the last 20 years, we might have had 2 trick or treaters, and those were not in the same year. Now once everything else is paid, I barely have enough for gas for the week. I just can not for the life of me fathom why he does not stop and think about what the hell he is spending money on before he does it. He is usually the one telling me to put things back at the grocery store because we can do without it, and he goes out and spends money on candy and some other crap that we don't freaking need??

Thursday, October 29, 2009


Words are very useful things. Words can be used to heal a broken heart, to heal a broken relationship, to give directions and instructions. Words can also cause harm to others, break hearts, destroy relationships, and ruin reputations. Words should be chosen with care and delivered with care, even in heated moments.

Now, there are some words that just should not be spoken at all, by anyone, for any reason. They include the 7 words you can not say on network television, and a few others. And, no, they are not all curse words. I don't always find curse words to be offensive, and have been known to have them pass from my lips at times. (Ok, sometimes on a daily basis, sometimes multiple times per day.)

If a word is not a word, please don't say it. And if you want to use big words, please know the meaning of the word and how to properly use the word in a sentence. One of the most misused words that I have encountered is "irregardless". THIS IS NOT A WORD PEOPLE!! STOP USING IT!! It is a double negative contradiction. When you use it repeatedly, it does not make you appear to be intelligent. Actually, it makes you look just the opposite.

Do you know the definition of "irregardless"? Let me post it for you:

irregardless :
an erroneous word that, etymologically, means the exact opposite of what it is used to express, attested in non-standard writing from 1912, probably a blend of irrespective and regardless. Perhaps inspired by the double negative used as an emphatic
So, please stop and think before you speak. Listen in your head to what is about to cross your lips. Don't go around talking like a ding-dong.
I'm stepping down from my soap box now.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


It's a small word with a big meaning. At least to me.

I have a hard time trusting people, especially upon first meeting them. I prefer to keep quiet and rely only on myself until a person has earned my trust. Once granted, it is still a very fragile thing. Kind of like a raw egg. You can hold it, it feels solid. But, if you drop the egg, it shatters, just like trust.

I have been scarred in the past when someone close to me has shattered my trust in them. Those scars are deep and even when they are several years old, still have very tender scabs that are easily knocked away.

The loss of trust has also cost some relationships along the line as well. Some are so badly broken that I don't know if the pieces can be glued back together. For some, it is too late as the other person involved has passed. Those hurt the worst. The ones that can't be fixed because I waited too long to try to get over it.

The last time that my trust in someone was shaken to the very core was the year that my daughter was born. 1993. I do not want to go into details because there is a new scab on that scar and frankly, I'm not up to ripping it off tonight. Let me just say that there are still repercussions from that year lingering even today. I have started to tentatively extend spider webs of communications/relationships from those that were even periferally (is that a word?) involved. I have kept my daughter away from most of the parties involved. I have not spoken to many of the main parties since this particular year.

However, last year, my world was yet again shattered. My cousin whom I had always considered a surrogate father passed away on Oct. 3, 2008. It has been a long year since his passing. I miss him. I have not had a real relationship with him since 1993.

I hurt. I don't know when it's going to stop. I don't know if I want it to stop. What if this is my punishment?

Monday, October 26, 2009


Oh, how I've missed ebay. Not that it actually left and went on a road trip, but I've stayed pretty far away from it for a couple of years. Yes, a couple of years.

I just rediscovered the thrill of bidding and winning on ebay this weekend. It all started with me deciding to look up some Christmas gifts for Alex and Skylar. I scored big time for both of them. I was able to get Alex several WWE wrestling related gifts to store away for Santa to leave him. And for Skylar, let's just say that she is going to be super excited to receive a hot pink Ipod Nano. She's only been asking for one for 3 years. They've just been too expensive, even at Walmart. I won an auction for the ipod and only paid $22 dollars, and it has free shipping. Yes, it's brand new in the package.

I can't wait to see what else I can find for the kids and Tommy for Christmas on ebay. At this rate, all of my Christmas shopping will be completed from the comfort of my couch and upstairs office. Wonder if I'll miss all of the traffic around Westgate Mall? Nope! Sure won't!!!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Skylar saw the athletic trainer yesterday. The tendon in her right elbow is strained. Doc put the electro-shock pads on her arm and let those work some magic for a while. He also gave her some exercises to do as well. She told me that her arm did indeed feel better when she got home last night.

She felt well enough to go and play with the co-ed softball team from our church. She normally plays fastpitch, but the Milestones team was short one girl for the game. She thought that she could handle slow pitch. She played 1st base and did very well, considering that she has not played softball since May.

She will play with the team again tomorrow evening and afterwards, we will go with the team to have dinner at Pizza Inn. I think that she is excited to be playing some form of softball. She brought home the practice schedule for basketball today as well. I think we are gearing up for our normal pace of practices and games and meals on the go. And, this year we have the added benefit of Alex being in Cub Scouts.

I can't wait for it all to begin. I have missed watching her play competitive sports.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

If it weren't for bad luck...

I'd have no luck at all.

First of all, would anyone care to have a whiny, crying 7 year old boy? He's very precocious. Warning, he is ALL BOY. He loves all things wriggly, slimey, and hoppy. He comes with 1 lizard and 2 turtles. Sorry, the dogs stay with me. They give me peace. On second thought, Sadie, the spastic beagle goes with the boy. Just shoot me an email, k? Make sure that you include a shipping address or map quest directions for drop off.

Now, onto the bad luck draw of the day. Skylar had a band competition today at Chesnee High School. She's in the color guard. (No, I have no idea why my super-athlete decided to go all band geek on me.) Anyways, she called home a few minutes ago. I assumed the call was to tell me that they were like 5 minutes away from LHS. Not so much.

The convo went along these lines:

Me: "Hello."

Sky: "Mama?"

Me: "Yes, baby."

Sky: "Um, we have a problem."

Me: "What kind of problem?" (I'm thinking the bus broke down, she lost her expensive guard gloves, you know, something minor but irritating.)

Sky: "I sort of hyper-extended my right elbow. They think that I have pulled the tendons and ligaments in my elbow. They said that I probably will need to go to the doctor."

Me: "Who exactly is "They"? Did a trainer look at your elbow? Who looked at it? Can you move it? Is it swollen?"

Sky: "Somebody's mom looked at it. I don't think she's a nurse or anything. It hurts alot."

Me: "Where are you?"

Sky: "We are on the bus, but we're not moving yet."

Me: "Call me as soon as you get close to the school. I'll look at it and decide on if we need to take you to see a doctor tonight or if we can wait until morning. Try to keep it as still as possible and do not unload a single solitary thing at the school."

Sky: "Ok. I'll see you soon. Bye. Love you."

Our luck, she'll miss basketball and softball seasons because of the freaking band. Of all extra-curricular activities, I thought that band was the safest possible one. Guess I was wrong, huh?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

My mom vs. the brick wall
The brick wall won!

Monday, October 12, 2009

My Mama

My mama has had some really rough times lately. She has very bad diabetes and is in the final stages of kidney failure. On Sept. 18, she had surgery where a fistula was created in her left arm in preparation for dialysis.

Today, I got a phone call that chilled me to the very core. I saw on the caller id that it was my mom's cell phone, so I answered quickly. However, it was not her on the other end. It was her boss and close friend, Georgianna. She was calling for my mom. She said, "I wanted to call and let you know that we have a problem." I completely expected the next sentence to be that my mom's blood sugar had dropped. That was not it.

"Mrs. Thelma fell in the parking lot and hit her head really badly. She did not lose consciousness. Her sugar is very high and her blood pressure is really high. The EMS is here."


"Her hand is skinned up pretty badly too."

"Which hand?"

"Her left hand."

"What about her arm? Is her arm ok?"

"I don't know. I don't think that she hit her arm."

"I need to know if her left arm is ok. That fistula has not had enough time to heal. If it tears, she will bleed to death in a matter of minutes. I need to know now, please!"

The EMS checked her fistula site and decided that it was not damaged. (An appointment to the surgeon is scheduled for 9 am tomorrow for an ultrasound to ensure that it is not damaged.) Two of her co-workers drove her home because she is hard-headed.

I called my aunt to see if she could go and stay with her until I got home from work. She had to work and could not go. So, I called Tommy and asked him to go and stay with her until I got there. I left work at 4 to get home early.

Oh my goodness what a site she is! She has a huge goose-egg above her left eye. Her eye is black and blue and swollen. The skin from a huge portion of her cheek is missing. Her left hand is scraped up very badly. Not to mention how sore she is going to be in the morning.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


Test results are in from my dr's appt yesterday. The good news is that I am not diabetic, do not have low potassium, high blood pressure or a problem with my thyroid. Next step is a sleep study to see if I have sleep apnea.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Sooo Tired

I am soo tired lately. I have no energy at all. That is so not like me. I am normally on the go with both of my kids, but lately, I'm not. Skylar has had 2 band tournaments, but I have not gone to either one. She does have several more ahead of us this month, and I will get to one of them. Alex has Cub Scouts tomorrow night and I think I'll have Tommy take him to the meeting.

I have been taking the meds for anxiety that my dr prescribed. They have helped with the anxiety issues.

I have been so tired that for the last few weeks, I have been going out to my car on my lunch break and taking naps. I have never in my life taken naps on my lunch break. But I just can't seem to make it thru the day without one. If I can, I'll take a nap once I get home before dinner. I'm sleeping at night so I have no clue what is going on.

The only other thing that I have noticed is that I am staying extremely thirsty all the time. I can't get enough to drink. I've been doing my best to drink water and not sodas.

I have an appointment for some lab work and an appointment with my dr. on Wednesday. Perhaps I will get some answers.