Monday, February 8, 2010


It was very hard to be the child of my father. It still is. There are way too many responsibilities that go along with being his only child.

My dad is a bi-polar manic depressive who happens to be blind. He has dyslexia and never learned to read or write beyond a 1st grade level. He has never held a driver's license. He is now plagued with early stages of Alzheimer's disease. He is a convicted sex offender. He is my dad.

I knew growing up that my dad was not like any of my friends' dads. He didn't work once I was old enough to get a part time job. He didn't drive.. He didn't care what I was doing or with who. He never once hugged me, kissed me, told me that he was proud of me or that he loved me.

He would not go to church with my mom and me. He would not go to work. He made rude comments to me and my mom. He would go grocery shopping with us. He would try to take my mom's checkbook and go shopping at Radio Shack. He was successful a couple of times. I thought that my mom was going to have a heart attack every time he pulled one of his stunts.

My mom tried to get him help. She took him to all sorts of doctors. They would prescribe medications for him and he would take it for a few weeks. Inevitably, he would flush it all down the toilet.

In 1994, he was convicted as a sex offender. He spent 13 years in prison. He was released in March of 2007.

My mom let him come back home. This has proven to be a colossal mistake. He has not changed at all. In fact, he is worse.

He doesn't like the car that my mom drives, so he tries to tinker with the engine. He does not like his cell phone, so he put it in the dish water. He calls his sisters day and night and gives them my telephone number.

I don't know what I'll do with him if anything happens to my mom. I feel guilty about that, but I honestly don't know. Right now, I am advocating that we find him a nursing home so that he will have someone to watch out for him and some activities to keep him busy. My mom's dialysis could start at any time.

I don't even know that I love him. That's bad, isn't it? You are supposed to love your parents. But he just makes it almost impossible to do.

1 comment:

  1. Your father has not demonstrated a fatherly love, therefore it would be impossible for you to demonstrate a childlike love back to him. Thankfully, you have a Heavenly Father who will cradle you in HIS arms.
    You may consider having your father committed. If he is unable to care for himself and diagnosed with these illness's your mother may be in a position to NO longer care for him. I will pray that GOD leads you to the best decision for both you and your mom. You both deserve peace. Having your dad placed in a nursing home or other facility is NOT a bad thing. He may get help that you are unable to give him. It could be best for ALL of you.
    Blessings, hugs, and prayers,